Unplanned

As I remember Mom telling me of my conception, I came forth via a lack of action, or laziness. I have taken that theme of laziness to heart. But all in all I think I was unplanned. I was an unplanned pregnancy. Not unwanted, just, we didn't really plan, but you can and we're happy you're here kind of thing. That what I thought of when I couple sort of announced their coming child. It wasn't like they were trying to get pregnant, but it "just happened" and they are looking forward to becoming parents. Yay.
The small people, my nieces and nephew were definitely unplanned and their arrival worrisome. But now, I'm happy they are all here, regardless of who their guardians all happen to be. My sister was on birth control however, its proper administration and practice was not a top priority for her, add sex and tada, kids.
I think of all the other stuff that just happens, that isn't really planned. Some of the people I work with were not history majors, somehow they wound up working with history. We do plan for some stuff, to employed doing something is the general plan, to be a particular job title, working for a particular company or organization, not so much. In general I plan to work till I don't want to, some time after being retirement aged. I hope to continue to stay at the same place I am now, but you never know, I may get married and follow my husband, I may switch jobs due to some new interest or unforeseen thing, or health emergency may change those plans.
There is a lot I don't know. Thus, there is stuff I can't plan for. So I can only assume that all things will remain constant going in one direction, and I'll plan for that.

Birth control not it

After a gathering I walked out with someone who was annoyed by something and remarked that people needed more birth control. He was on an anti-child tiff. It happens. I get annoyed with other people's children, but I haven't lately wished for their non-creation. I countered, but honestly not looking for a fight, that it is better to grow your citizenry domestically lest you have to import them.
But anyway, even if you gave birth control away for free, introduced it to middle schoolers you'll still have people having kids, and I'm sorry you'll still need to pay taxes for schools. People in general and poor people are going to have kids. It's a part of life. The sex ed may curb the under aged pregnancy, but teens aren't your only broke people having kids. Looking at the CDC's data sheet on pregnancies, and remembering the book "Promises I Can Keep" about low-income unwed mothers, the bulk of births seem to come from ages 18 and up. I'm avoiding the "teenage" label because 18 and 19 year olds are teens, teens who can vote and sign legal contracts. Of the unwed teenage pregnancies, roughly 2/3rds of them are 18 and 19. Of all the unwed pregnancies, the 20-24 years olds have everyone beat. The 25-29 year olds are kind of equal with the under 20s. The smallest unwed group is the under 15 crowd, with 6 thousand births, trailing behind the next lowest group 40-54 year old women at over 21 thousand unwed births. Pregnant 15 years olds bad, pregnant 40somethings.... so what's the story there?
So your problem, if unwed pregnancies are a problem, I'm going to leave that judgment aside for the mo, ya got to get after the 20-24 yr old women. You figure at that age they are perfectly aware of birth control and how babies come into the world. My sister got pregnant in her twenties, I believe she was aware of birth control. It's that regularly taking it everyday part of the birth control that screws that up. And condoms.... ha. There is something that happens in a relationship where the condom is a symbol of something, dirtiness, distrust, prostitution, and the like. In the book Tally's Corner, about street corner men in the DC Shaw neighborhood, men would not wear a condom with a girl/woman they considered 'nice'. There is also another thing that I seem to see between the lines of these studies involving poor women and childbirth, despite being a bad marriage candidate the women seem to want some lasting connection with the guy and being his baby-momma makes that connection permanent.
What exactly can you tell a 20 or 24 year old woman not to get pregnant if she's unmarried? Well, besides arguing moral reasons that sex should be saved for marriage or stuff like that. Staying school? At 20 high school should be in the past and it would only appeal to those in college already, but then what percentage of women 20-24 are in college. Really at 20 if you're not already in college what is your motivation to start now?
In Promises I Can Keep, it was having the kid that provided the motivation to go to school or get a job or better job. I can see that with Sis. Okay she was not completely responsible after the first, or third kid, but she became more responsible with the kids than prior to their being.

Music and the problem of getting older

The problem is you actually wind up listening to, and contemplating the lyrics. The only way I can explain my love of some songs during my youth is I paid more attention to the beat then what the heck anyone was saying. in Culture 11's (conservative version of Slate) article on music and weddings, Lil John's "Get Low" is probably not the best thing to play at the reception with Grammy and the 5 year olds around. Neither would most of 50 cent's stuff. Golddigger is fun to dance to, but poor taste, even bleeped, for a wedding.
When Nora Bombay and I were in the car the other day we noticed the lyrics of some song, I forgot what song exactly, but they were not good. Songs we like can be degrading to women and contain the bleeped N word, which she can't say and I won't.
There are mixes I can't listen to because the crude graphic sexual descriptions are too much. Good beat, great hooks, but really I don't wanna know what you do with some random man or woman you picked up at da club for sporting sex. Not causal sex, recreational almost like a sport like activities.
Maybe that's why I'm fonder of the blues and jazz. Yes, Eartha Kitt, total money grubbing slut in her music, but there is much to leave to the imagination.

HIV

I was listening to a NPR podcast that just made me wince.
I think it was a Religion and Ethics piece, not sure. But the story was about an evangelical Christian woman living with HIV, who describes how she got HIV when dating another Christian. She didn't say it outright and that was thing that annoyed me. What made me wince was she described how the Lord brought love into her life (guy who gave her HIV). Okay, I'm not going to get into the sex outside of marriage thing, that's my judgementalism. My annoyance, is with her was not clearly stating that unprotected sex risks your health. She didn't own up to it.
I was hanging out once with a gay man whose profession is AIDS education. His preferred group to educate was other gay men, because he really didn't get straight people and our sex issues. Unfortunately, professionally, all the good AIDS work is in Africa, educating straight people. The other problem is you have to live in Africa, which wasn't something he wanted to be bothered with either. I asked about the issues of straight sex and what to do about when a couple wants children. That was one of those straight people things.
Back to the Christian woman with HIV. I feel badly for her as she is going to have to deal with the cocktail of drugs to keep her alive and relatively healthy. However I think she does a disservice in her education mission if she doesn't talk about prevention as she educates and supports women with HIV. I also was annoyed by some bits evangelical wishy theology, that I've heard before from other evangelical non-denomination members. Of course, I'm getting more annoyed with some protestant groups daily.